faqs
my favorite part of most websites is the frequently asked questions. that’s where all the best info on a site usually is. the info you want and the info you didn’t know you wanted until you read the faqs. also, they are often funny - i guess people feel they can get a bit silly when answering faqs.
so, since i love faqs so much and since i was just discussing how i’m a magnet for personal questions, i thought i should make up a faq list for my blog. i swear on little baby jesus in his footsie pajamas that these are all questions that i get asked very frequently, often by complete strangers.
1. did getting your tattoo hurt?
some of it did, but mostly in a good way.
2. what college and law school did you go to?
i went to connecticut college (not uconn) in new london, ct for undergrad and university of texas at austin for law school.
3. where are you from?
people in dc ask this a lot, and i’m never sure what they mean. according to the context, i think they mean “where do you live?” whereas i would normally interpret the question as “where did you grow up?” in any event, i grew up in orange, connecticut, which is outside of new haven. i now live in takoma park, maryland, which is just north of dc.
4. why is your last name different from your father’s/your diploma/your old last name?
my current last name is my married name; i never changed it back after i got divorced. i don’t reveal my current last name online, but another common question i get is how to pronounce it.
5. why did you get divorced?
yes, people ask me this! there were no specific reasons, we just realized that we aren’t right for each other.
6. but why did you get married if you aren’t right for each other?
we didn’t realize it at the time! long story short, we are very compatible as friends and roommates, and while in the “honeymoon” phase of the relationship we mistook that as being compatible as life partners. it didn’t help that i was going through a lot at the time, dealing with the psychological warfare of law school and my mother’s death. in the end, i think it was bad timing that did us in; we got engaged very early in the relationship but decided not to get married until i finished law school two years later. so by the time we got out of the honeymoon phase of the relationship, we had been engaged for a couple of years and by that point there was a lot of pressure to go through with it. it is a pretty easy mistake to make, i think: if you have a couple that loves each other, gets along great, has similar values, similar goals in life, similar sense of humor, etc. etc., everyone (including the couple themselves) tends to think “you know what they should do? they should get married.” so we did, and then realized that those things aren’t enough to sustain a marriage. for the record, it was the world’s most amiable divorce, and we are still close friends as many of you know.
7. but how does travis feel about you keeping your married name?
you can ask him but i don’t think he cares at all.
8. speaking of travis, how did you meet?
on a dating website for vegetarians called veggiedate.com. we’ve been together since february, 2001.
9. aw, that’s cute. so when are you two getting married?
probably never. i blogged about some of the reasons why in this old post and elaborated further in this old post.
UPDATE: we got married on 9/21/07.
10. how long have you been vegan, and why?
i eliminated the various major sources of animal products from my lifestyle over a period of time. i finished this transition around 1998. long story short, the point is to avoid harming other creatures. most significantly, i try to avoid exploiting other animals (human and non-human) for my own use and harming the environment. i wrote about views on veganism in this post and more recently in this post.
11. is travis vegan too?
yes, we were both vegan when we met.
12. but what do you guys eat, then? how do you get enough protein/calcium/b12/essential fatty acids/etc.?
we eat lots of good stuff. there is a vegan version of almost everything a non-vegan would eat. some of my favorite foods are burritos, pizza with soy cheese, pasta, roasted brussel sprouts, chinese food, sushi, smoothies, and french toast. most nutrients aren’t a problem on a healthy vegan diet. i do take vitamin b12 supplements once in a while, when i remember.
13. but don’t you miss eating meat?
no. i think meat, cheese, eggs, and milk are gross now. the only things i miss are the few junk foods for which i haven’t yet found a good vegan replacement. although right now i can’t think of anything for which i haven’t found a good vegan replacement.
14. isn’t it rude to refuse to eat what you are offered or alienate yourself from the rest of society with your weird diet? and why are you forcing your beliefs down my throat?
many people have had experiences with unpleasant vegans or vegetarians that have biased them against all of us. people who would never dream of stereotyping all muslims as terrorists or all feminists as man-haters think nothing of stereotyping all vegans as rude, self-righteous, humorless, judgmental, etc. etc. the truth is that most vegans i know go out of their way to counter that stereotype. even so, many people feel that vegans are judging them or being rude just by the mere fact of declining to eat animal products. that’s their problem, not mine. i am comfortable letting my behavior speak for itself.
15. but aren’t you a hypocrite if you are vegan and wear leather shoes?
i don’t weather leather, silk, or wool, but i also don’t buy into the whole “you are a hypocrite” thing. no one is completely vegan. all humans are hypocrites. since when is not being perfect an excuse to not try?
16. but if osama bin laden was about to drop a nuclear bomb on washington dc (or some other wildly improbably hypothetical scenario) unless you ate a hamburger, would you eat it?
as they say in law school: bad facts make bad law. call me when you get the video from osama demanding i eat a burger. until then, i’m going to make my ethical decisions based on the facts that are actually before me. as far as i know, no creatures have been harmed by my decision to be vegan, while a lot of creatures have benefited, including myself.
17. what about the poor plants you eat, don’t you care about their pain? and what about the field mice that get killed when the plants are harvested by big machines and the bugs that are killed by insecticides on the plants?
it takes more plants to raise meat than to feed people directly.
18. i love meat.
that isn’t a question.
19. i know, i just wanted you to know. i’d never become vegan because i love meat.
um, you are kind of missing the point, but thanks for sharing.
20. maybe we better talk about a less controversial subject…. when are you going to have kids?
i don’t want to have kids. i’ve been spayed.
UPDATE: just kidding! i still don’t want to have kids.
21. but why don’t you want kids? it’s different when they are your own, you know.
ultimately, there is no reason to want kids or not want them. some people have the feeling of wanting kids. i simply do not have that feeling. i’m happy with my life the way it is in that regard, i don’t see the need to have kids solely based on upon the chance that i *might not* regret having them.
22. but you’d be such a great mother!
again, not a question. and irrelevant.
23. but how does travis feel about you not wanting kids?
oh my god! i don’t know, i never thought to ask him before i committed to spend my life with him. you got me, you clever little nosyhead you!
24. but what about your family, how do they feel about that?
i don’t care because it isn’t anyone else’s business, but for the record my dad says he’s fine with it.
25. but how do you know you won’t change your mind?
i’m more sure about this than i am about pretty much anything else in my life, but if i ever do change my mind, i’ll adopt.
26. but aren’t you worried you won’t have anyone to take care of you when you are old?
i think that is a horrible reason to have kids. i also think it is naive considering how many people who have had children end up not having anyone to care of them when they are old. in any event, i’ll take my chances rather than spend the rest of my life parenting a child in the hopes that he or she will take care of me when i’m old.
27. how many brothers and sisters do you have?
none.
28. but isn’t your life really sad because you are an only child?
no. i blogged about being an only child here.
29. what are you doing for rosh hashana/yom kippur/passover? (or some other variation on “you are jewish aren’t you?”)
is it rosh hashana? i don’t know because i’m not jewish. i blogged about not being jewish here.
30. but why don’t you consider yourself jewish? what do you consider yourself then?
i don’t consider myself jewish because i strongly disagree with many of the tenets of judaism as a religion and i don’t identify with judaism as a culture. admittedly, my lack of jewish identity is due in part to the fact that i was not raised with many of the trappings of judaism. (for instance, i never had a bat mitzvah, my family never went to synagogue, etc.) however, as an adult i did make an effort to learn more about judaism and participate in jewish culture and subsequently decided that it wasn’t for me. i also have strong feelings about some of the views shared by many american jews; while of course not all jews share these views, they are common enough that i (perhaps unfairly) prefer not to be associated with a religion and a culture that i don’t identify with in any event. in fact, one of the very rare times i’ve pulled a post after it was published involved a rant about a common jewish complaint about christmas. here’s the kiss-and-make-up post i published after pulling the rant.
as for what i do consider myself, that’s a hard question to answer. on a dating profile i’d list myself as “spiritual.” i have a lot of respect for a number of world religions, but i have not found an organized religion that i wish to devote myself to practicing. of any organized religion, my beliefs are probably most closely aligned with those of buddhism, particularly zen buddhism. but i do feel that i have a personal spiritual philosophy of life that is analogous to the role that religion plays in other people’s lives, and this “religion” is basically expressed in my commitment to a life of compassion (that is, my veganism) and my practice of the principles and philosophy of anusara yoga.
31. but how does your family feel about you saying you aren’t jewish?
i don’t know that i ever told my dad that i’m not jewish. but he’s pretty laid back about these kind of things.
32. what about travis, what religion is he?
his ancestors are from various protestant backgrounds but he is atheist and, in my opinion, anti-organized religion. interestingly, no one seems to question him about his rejection of christianity the way i get questioned about my rejection of judaism.
33. what companion animals do you have?
a cat named tex and a english foxhound mix named bess. they are both former strays adopted from shelters. bess is blind.
34. how did bess go blind?
she was blind when we adopted her. her eyes were surgically removed. the shelter said she had glaucoma, but they also said she was spayed and she wasn’t, so who knows.
35. but how does she get around?
she gets around great in the house and in her fenced yard, largely by memorizing where things are and using her sense of hearing. she also gets around great outside on a leash with a little assistance from us. we can direct her left and right by putting slight pressure on her leash, similar to how one uses reins to steer a horse. she knows the commands “up” to step up onto a stair or a curb, “step” to step down, and “slow” to be cautious not to hit something in front of her. she also uses the feel of things under her feet (for instance to follow a sidewalk) and her sense of smell (for instance wherever she goes she will find a door leading to the outside by smell and scratch on it when she has to pee).
36. how do you like your prius?
i love penelope the prius. she’s super comfortable and handles great and gets great gas mileage and has all kinds of fun features like keyless entry and ignition. the only things i don’t like about the car are: 1) sometimes she gets confused about giving directions; and 2) the computer system that switches between power sources is set to maintain too much of a charge in the electric battery, which means that we don’t get as good mileage as we could (though it’s still really good!).
37. why do you blog?
i wrote about that here.
if you have any other questions, email me and i may add them to the faqs.
