being old is awesome
i know, three posts in one day! but that last post reminded me about something i’ve been meaning to write about.
i had a revelation last weekend, and now i’m super excited to turn 35. but let’s go back a bit for some background first…
before i turned 30, i dreaded that milestone. then, right around my 30th birthday i had a revelation that made me love turning 30: i realized that i don’t have to stop doing things i like to do just because i get to a certain age. yeah, there’s a certain amount of pressure not to be the 35 year old woman riding around on a skateboard wearing hoodies and vans, but what’s the alternative? am i not going to do things i like to do just because i turn a certain age? am i not going to wear clothes that i like wearing and am comfortable in just because i turn a certain age? what am i supposed to do, turn 35 and immediately go out to jc penney and buy myself some “mom butt” jeans and an embroidered christmas sweater and spend the rest of my life reading good housekeeping and watching judge judy? yeah, i don’t think so. so ever since i had this relevation, my 30s have been awesome.
and yet… as i’ve approached 35 i started feeling that dread again. yes, i can still do the things i want to do for now, but physically it’s all down hill from here. and there’s really nothing you can do about that (although i really should be putting more effort into physical fitness so i can at least stem the tide as much as possible).
that’s where this new relevation comes in. as you get old, you can still do everything you want to do, but not only that — you also have a justifiable excuse to NOT do things you DON’T want to do: “i’m too old for that.” and that makes getting old totally worth it.
~skateboarding? “let’s go!”
~camping in a tent? “sorry, i’m TOO OLD for that.”
~dancing until 3 am? “anytime! i don’t have to get up until 7:30 for work.”
~refraining from yelling at your toddler who is running around the metro car screaming with no attempt by you to control him? “sorry, i’m TOO OLD for that.”
being old kicks ass. 35 is awesome because it is the first time i’m old enough to credibly claim i’m old. 30 is still young. but 35 is middle aged!!! 35 is old enough to run for president. 35 is old enough to be your mom, you spoiled little poser with the misfits shirt blocking my view of the stage with your green mohawk!
in this vein, i decided that from now on, as a policy, i don’t help people move. i announced this after my swan song helping jon and cameron move this weekend. someone asked “why not?” and i said, “i’m almost 35 years old, i’m too old for this shit.” i just made that up spontaneously. originally, i just planned to “HAVE A POLICY”. but everyone seemed to accept that explanation pretty well, and i thought to myself: “holy crap! i now have a perfectly legitimate excuse not to do shit that i don’t want to do.” (like turn off the tv and read a book, which brings me back to my last post.) and while it works great on its own, when combined with the technique of “HAVING A POLICY,” “being TOO OLD for that” packs an even bigger wallop.
so i guess now is a good time to impart my wisdom about “HAVING A POLICY.” this is the best advice i have ever given anyone, and i don’t want to withhold it from my lovely blogging friends. it was developed out of necessity during many years of being both a person who: 1) always does her own thing, which is usually something quite different from what other people want her to do; and 2) who feels uncomfortable telling people that she’s not going to do what they want her to do. i’m sure many of you can relate.
i realized that the solution to this dilemma is to tell the person that the reason you are doing something or not doing something is because you HAVE A POLICY. “it’s not that i don’t want to talk to you mr. telemarketer, it’s just that i HAVE A POLICY of not taking solicitations by phone.”
this is actually how i originally became vegetarian, you know. when i lived in texas i didn’t much like to eat meat, especially red meat, and i was very health conscious. but there is a lot of social pressure in texas to eat meat, they want to take you for dinner at the bbq place or have you taste their special family meatloaf recipe. so i started telling people that i was a vegetarian so that it wouldn’t be awkward that i didn’t eat meat. and it worked! because if you HAVE A POLICY, people won’t take it personally. it’s not because you don’t want to try their special family meatloaf recipe at all, it’s just that you have some weird vegetarian policy not to eat meat. when i realized how well this works, i started using it all the time.
now that i’m turning 35, i have a new force and power to apply behind my policies. “sorry, i can’t help you move into your new house, i HAVE A POLICY. why? because i’m TOO OLD. it’s nothing personal. i wish i could help you, but you see it’s a policy, if i make an exception for you then everyone will want me to help them move, and i’m just TOO OLD for that. now excuse me, i’m off to go skateboarding.”
technorati tags: old lady
In 7 years, you’ll look back and laugh that you ever thought 35 was old…
You’ve taken to age the way I use having ADHD. If I don’t enjoy something or want to do something, I just say I’m too ADHD to do it. “I’m too ADHD to sit through that meeting…Sorry!”
I can’t even begin to tell you how much I enjoyed reading that. As an almost 33.5 year old who often acts much less mature than she should, I have struggled to accept my oldish age. Your idea of doing whatever the hell you want, and having a old age policy for those things you don’t want to do - brilliant.
I suppose I began my own wee vegan version of this during the past Thanksgiving. I chose to stay home and do my own thing, by myself, because my new policy is to not celebrate “turkey day”.
good policy on not celebrating turkey day. i’ve already decided that i’m not only not celebrating thanksgiving next year, i’m LEAVING THE COUNTRY to avoid it entirely. i haven’t figured out where i’m going yet. maybe i’ll come visit my blogging friends in toronto, since your thanksgiving will be over by then.
jean, i love it that you use adhd selectively when you don’t want to do something. of course, you could focus on lifting weights for an hour and a half without any problem…
and speaking of lifting weights, i miss you so much now that i’m not hanging out at gym rats! i’m so glad when you comment here. i should come by and get motivation to get back in shape.
So I thought maybe after I’d had some time to think it over some more, go out for tea and watch tv, I’d possibly have something smart to say here. But I don’t. You’ve written something far wiser than anything I can reply, and it’s cool to know that there’s so many things to look forward to about being older. Like using “the policy” for instance. And I like too how you talk about making choices about what “older” means. I mean, I don’t feel a big difference between today and last week so far; 29 feels a lot like 30 so it’s clearly the mental shifts you allow yourself to make or not make. I’d hope that getting older makes someone bolder, more likely to take up skateboarding or anything else, than holding someone back. Even simple things, like wardrobe remix, I never would have been able to do a few years ago. And when I look back at pictures of me wearing the clothes I wear now, I even wear them differently.
You’re just super cool, Jen! That’s what I meant to say.
All I can say is that I am really glad you’re new policy started this week rather than last week
But I totally get it, in fact we were talking to someone the other day about it (can’t remember who) who said the same thing, “at some point you should just hire movers!”
Is 30 too young to institute “too old” policies?
I’d tell you to come visit Gym Rats again, but it’s slow and probably not worth your time. I’d love to see you there, though! I don’t lift for 1 1/2 hours! I’ve taken to single sets, multiple exercises because I get to keep moving.
I think I’m going to leave FOR the country next Thanksgiving day. I’m looking to rent a log cabin next year.
I have to say I love calling myself the “old” lady. I love being the old lady out there doing jumps and spins skating, the old lady barreling down the black diamonds, the old lady doing one arm push ups, the old lady still trying to decide what she wants to be when she grows up, etc.
You are SO right about the policy thing.
When I was 16, I became a vegetarian. The real reason was that I hated pork chops, and my parents “had a policy” that you will eat what is made for dinner for the family. And we had pork chops about once/week.
But my having a policy, especially one grounded in a political belief (I picked ‘it’s better for the planet’) put two policies in conflict, and in my house, the political policy trumped the politeness policy. So no more pork chops!
BTW, I too LOVE being ‘old’ and use it as a convenient excuse as needed. Jill and I also laugh about how old we’ve gotten when we’re doing homebody things around the house.
i wonder how many people became vegetarians for “policy” purposes!
Jen,
I’m sorry. You’re now too old to be my friend. It’s not you, it’s just, I have a policy.
-Stacey
that was obviously a total joke, a not-at-all-funny-one, but a joke nonetheless. actually, though, when you read it with the policy line, it doesn’t seem quite as mean.
awesome. and seeing as I just don’t feel like writing much more than that right now, I’ll leave it at that.. (consider it my policy not to write a lot.. I can always change that policy later! i reserve the right !hee hee)
but I have to say, I absolutely love the “mom butt” jeans.. I call those ‘unhappy pants’ and it’s my policy not to wear them!
oh, jenni’s comments reminded me how i laughed out loud (when i read it a few days ago) when you wrote about mom jeans!
“you’re no longer a woman…you’re a MOM!”
p.s. my mom sometimes wears mom jeans.
You followed me from flickr, and now I followed you from MySpace! It’s circular stalking! Anyhow, I just want to say that I loved loved loved this post. The world needs more brilliant and articulate people like you. So, like, bud or something.